I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
