I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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