Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
