tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
