I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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