Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
