Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
