You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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