idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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