you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
