I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
