I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
