I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
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