i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
