nut hugger
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
