the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
