Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
everyone is single if you try hard enough
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
