i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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