Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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