I am puke
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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