And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
