He uses pillows to masturbate.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
