Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize