There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Please don't give away my fajitas
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
