so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Verdict: uncircumcised.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
