You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
