now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I think I sprained my soul last night
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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