if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My balls are so social today.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
