oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
All the doctor said was why
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize