I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
