i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Randomize
