idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
