I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize