Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
