i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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