just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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