it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
