Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
