It's Friday. Sex?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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