I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
