Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
