is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
