I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
