Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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