I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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