ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
dude i'm inner monologue high
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
