New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
