oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
