I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
sarcasm needs its own font
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
