I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize