five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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