How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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