watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
