Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
The beer is more important than you right now.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
