so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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