There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
