DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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