What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
