I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
