420 ftw
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
