totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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