i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
