Sponge bath it is.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize