He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
