apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
ttyl tear gas
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
