i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize