My sheets look like a crime scene.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
