So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Randomize
