when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
