You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
