How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
