I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
