who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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