Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
the raccoons are back...
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