Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Randomize
