so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize