stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
