I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
