every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
