My cat gives me a boner
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize