FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
