you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize