conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
