Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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