If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
