hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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